With draw el symptoms

Feeling like a mad dog on a short leash this Wednesday afternoon, as I try to come to terms with not spending every last dime I get. I blame this on my mother and aunts, who took “us girls” shopping every weekend, every damn weekend!

My childhood is filled with memories of two adults and six children piling into a Volkswagen bug (we were all a lot smaller then) almost every Saturday to go shopping. Kmart, Sears, JCPenny’s, etc. are all stores where I can chart my growth. My shoe size, panty size, first bra size, etc. were all well documented and are probably collecting dust in some warehouse in Iowa right about now. We clipped coupons, stood out in front of stores hours before they opened for a SUPER, DUPER, EVERYTHING 20-50% off sale, and it was a necessity to go into every store in the mall that had a sale sign in it. I can even remember eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at every restaurant in the mall at one time or another. The girls in my family were taught to spend, spend, and spend at every opportunity. None of us were raised to actual save our money, in the sense of putting in the bank and letting it collect interest. No, saving money meant buying an item for 75% off rather than full price.

You’re probably thinking, well at least they raised you to be frugal. Well, yes and no, it doesn’t help that we were also raised to be hoarders as well. See, it didn’t make any sense to just buy one sweater for 75% off, you have to buy all 8 colors. It doesn’t make sense to buy just one of anything on sale; the women in my family reason. In order to be considered a bargain, you have to buy a least three or four of the item that’s on sale.

I could go on but you get the point. Spendthrift is a word that describes the women in my family perfectly. The damage has been extensive. One has filed bankruptcy, one was busted using her grandmother’s credit fraudulently, and several are climbing out of debt hell; me included.

As a Christian, I pay 10% in tithes at the beginning of every month. Having only recently been faithful in that area (another story, another time); I finally let go of the notion that I was going to hit the lotto jackpot. The idea of winning lotto millions or finding a sugar daddy aside, there was only one option to being set free from debt and that was and is becoming disciplined with my finances.

A recent prayer is to become a better steward of the 90% I am left with monthly. It is physically and emotionally painful not be to be able to shop. What I am going through is not unlike what a junkie goes through when giving up heroin, ‘cept without the chapped, cracked lips and needle marks.

Keep a girl in your prayers as she walks past all the latest fall fashions. The leather skirts, the peacoats, the sexy dark brown boots…oh my. *SIGH*